For the_asset

[withtheplan]

Steve didn't sleep much the previous night so it was good that he'd had a nap earlier in the afternoon, waking to find himself covered up with a blanket he didn't remember pulling over himself. He had fixed a batch of homemade chicken noodle soup for dinner, ignoring the very pointed looks that Natasha had sent in his direction, knowing she was gearing herself up for a conversation. He'd just been pleased that Bucky had eaten some of the soup even if he'd also had a couple of meal replacement bars, too.

Baby steps.

When Bucky had gone to take a shower, Natasha had taken that opportunity to firmly inform him that he was definitely, 100% making everything worse. He'd been indignant at first but when she'd simply pinned him with a stare that would have made most people wilt, he'd shut his mouth and listened.

"Give him tasks," she said. "Jobs. You can't just tell him to figure out how to be a person and expect him to know what that means. Not with how he's been conditioned." She'd given him some ideas, but he was still deeply, deeply uncomfortable with the concept of essentially ordering Bucky to do anything.

And when he'd told Natasha so, she'd told him to get the hell over himself.

Well then.

He'd lain awake all night, thinking about their conversation and then had gotten up bright and early, covering Bucky up with a blanket before making his way to the kitchen and starting the coffee, and then sitting down at the table with a pen and a notebook, jotting down the list of things Natasha had advised him to begin with, and a couple of others that he'd thought up on his own.

Comments

[withtheplan]

"Yes," he agreed, and he knew the latter statement was absolutely the truth. They'd always been devastating in the field together and if they were ever again, he knew it would be the same. "Here." He pushed the notebook over toward Bucky so he could read what he'd written so far.

[the_asset]

At first, Bucky was struck most by the handwriting. It was achingly familiar in a way he didn't understand. It felt like what handwriting should look like-- a clean draughtsman hand. He knew, somehow, that his handwriting didn't look like that and never had--but this was familiar.

He touched his fingers to it, gently, as if he could learn something by feel. Of course, that's meaningless.

He took a bite of his oatmeal to gather himself and then started actually reading the briefing. It wasn't what he expected. Showering, brushing his teeth, eating new foods--these were things Steve had already been gently trying to get him to do. Not all of them were like that, but most of them were small, daily tasks.

"These are--part of the mission? To be a person?" he said. It wasn't a real mission. Just more confusing and boring stuff that made him feel a little like a caged animal. The gym would be a nice thing, though. Maybe then he can run until he stopped thinking so much.

[withtheplan]

"Yeah. I think maybe if we can get into a routine it'll be a little bit easier. It's just a starting point though," he added quickly. He could tell that Bucky was less than enthused about the list and he didn't want the morning to go down the tubes. "We'll add stuff to it all the time. If you have ideas of things you'd like to do, we can add those, too."

He took another bite of his food and chased it with his milk.

"Captain Rogers, I'm afraid to interrupt, but your presence is being requested in an emergency meeting on the fourth floor with Sir and the other Avengers," Jarvis announced suddenly.

Steve closed his eyes momentarily. "What kind of emergency?"

"I'm not authorized to discuss the specifics. I'm sorry."

[the_asset]

Bucky sat up straight, like a hunting dog with the scent of prey. He looked at Steve, eyes bright.

"I am fully operational," he said. "I could be an asset to your mission."

[withtheplan]

Steve paused at that. "I don't know what the mission is yet, Buck. All I know is there's a meeting," he reminded him gently. "Which apparently I need to be at." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and draining the rest of his milk from his cup before rising to his feet.

"If there's something that we need help with, we'll talk about it. Okay?"

[the_asset]

Bucky was still very still, looking at him as he stood up and clearly made his start on leaving.

He didn't argue or say anything in response. The implied order was reasonably clear. But he did look at Steve extremely intently.

[withtheplan]

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Steve said quietly, hand on the door knob. "Try and finish your breakfast?" He looked kind of longingly at the remainder of his own, but there wasn't time, not if there was an emergency of some kind.

[the_asset]

Bucky sat in the same, poised position for a long time after Steve left, staring at the door. Breakfast was totally forgotten--his already tentative grasp of his own hunger totally swamped by the variety of other emotions and sensations running through his body. It was an unsettling, unfamiliar mix: anticipation warred with anxiety, aggression with fear. He thought about going on a mission again, getting that clean purpose of a good nice kill. Steve could tell him who to kill and he would do it well, he would make Steve so proud. He could be the sword to Steve's shield.

But it didn't sound like Steve was going to let him. Steve wanted him to finish breakfast and try new foods. Brush his teeth. He snarled, suddenly totally furious, and swept Steve's notebook with its perfect, precious handwriting right off the table. It was satisfying to do, so he pushed the rest of the things on the table off on the ground -- glasses shattering on the tile, his oatmeal splattering on the floor, juice spilling everywhere. The noise and chaos of it drove him to his bare feet, stepping on broken glass without any thought at all for how it cut them up.

He had trouble stabilizing his mind on any particular thought. Steve was going to leave him, he was going to be alone ago, Steve could get hurt, missions were dangerous. Steve was keeping him here, he was trapped, he needed to escape. He had made so many escape attempts at HYDRA that they hadn't even allowed him a blanket in his cell for fear that he would use it to get free, and here he was with all these resources like a defanged animal.

He tried the door--it was locked, of course, and then he threw his whole body at it hard. It didn't budge. Fortified. He could probably break his way out, the weapon of his arm was extremely strong, but it would be slow. There were many other doors he would have to break. He could be caught and recaptured on his way out of the Tower. He turned his glance to the huge floor to ceiling windows to the outside. He could climb down. He had the arm and the vibranium shield. Between those two things, no matter how reinforced the glass, he could break it.

[withtheplan]

Steve's nerves were frayed as he headed back to his apartment after the forty minute meeting, Natasha close on his heels. If there was almost any other situation at hand, he'd let the rest of the team handle it without him, but no. It was HYDRA, again. It was always HYDRA. He knew that Nat had already picked up on his stormy mood when she said nothing after the meeting, simply followed him back.

He wasn't expecting to open the door and find the place in shambles. It was troubling, for certain, but it was the blood that caught his attention, and his fear soared. "Bucky!"

"Steve," Nat said, hint of warning in her tone.

[the_asset]

The door opened just as Bucky was retrieving the shield to use to force through the glass and he whipped around to look at the intruders, making a threatening noise in his throat that was almost a growl.

When he heard Steve's voice, it felt like someone dunked him in a bath of warm water. His muscles went loose, relaxed notably, anxiety released. Steve didn't leave him--Steve was right there. The effect was so profound that it actually scared him and wound him right back up again. Steve had something on him--this wasn't normal, this was just another variety of the mindfuck that he had dealt with for so long.

He raised the shield in front of him, setting his stance--bare feet, bare chest, soft sweatpants but looking like he was armed to the teeth.

"You've trapped me here," he said, accusingly. "You're going to leave me."

[withtheplan]

Steve couldn't help the horrified expression that settled on his features, like Bucky had just slapped him across the face. He wasn't worried about the fact that Bucky looked ready to attack him at any second.

But before he had a chance to say anything in response, Natasha reached out and put a hand on Steve's arm, squeezing it none-too-gently.

"James." Natasha stepped forward. "HYDRA is looking for you." Her voice was matter-of-fact. "Steve and the rest of the team are going to go and stop them, but I'm staying here. We can either stay here in Steve's apartment, or we can take care of your feet and then go do some sparring in the gym. Your call."

[the_asset]

"I go with Steve," Bucky said, flatly. "I can fight."

He didn't back down physically at all. His eyes flicked to Steve's face, but he found the hurt and horrified expression too difficult to bear--they slid away again. He hefted the shield, shifting his weight a little bit more forward onto the balls of his feet.

[withtheplan]

"I know you can fight, Buck." Steve's voice was tired. "But I'm not going to risk HYDRA getting their hands on you again. It's safer to stay here with Natasha." He glanced back at her.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Go suit up."

[the_asset]

Bucky moved quickly toward Steve, aiming to stop him if he was going to go. The arm holding the shield fell down -- he still had it hooked on his forearm, but not quite so ready to bash anybody's heads in.

"They took me and made me this. They could do it because I'm enhanced. It would kill anybody else. And you want to walk in there without backup," he said, furious, right into Steve's face. There was more than a hint of a Brooklyn accent in this little speech.

[withtheplan]

Natasha's eyebrows rose even farther at the impassioned speech and at the way that accent slipped out and she cocked her head. She had a feeling she was seeing Bucky Barnes for the first time ever, even if only a little bit.

Steve reached out instinctively, cupping Bucky's face in his hands. "I'm enhanced, too. And I've got backup. But I won't risk you, Buck. I can't."

[the_asset]

Bucky considered biting Steve's hand, on principle, but it felt too good to be touched by him. He leaned into it instead, but his eyes were still hot and angry.

"You're an idiot. That's not what I meant. I was their perfect weapon because I was enhanced. They broke me because I could take more than anyone else. You think I'm especially weak, Stevie, or just that you're immune?" he said.

And then, wounded, furious, confused:

"I'm your backup."

[withtheplan]

The fact that Bucky didn't pull away from his touch was good, he thought, even if he did still look as pissed off as he can ever remember seeing him. A soft, wounded noise escaped him at the familiar nickname that Bucky had only used one other time since they'd been reunited. "They're not after me. They're after you. They're trying to get you back and I'm not gonna let that happen."

"James, he's right, as much as I hate to admit it." Her voice was quiet. "Right now you're the one they're after. The plan is to catch them off guard. They don't know that the Avengers are coming after them. If you go, Steve will be worried about you the entire time. He'll be distracted. Distracted is what gets people killed."

[the_asset]

When Steve spoke, Bucky just got more furious. His heart was pounding so fast and he felt nervous tension in all his muscles. HYDRA wanted him back--he was going to captured and taken back, they were coming after him and--they were coming after him now, but if they figured out how much better Steve was, they'd want him. They'd take him. And Steve wasn't listening, he never listened--

When Natasha spoke, he listened enough for his eyes to open even wider. The fear that had thrummed under the rage this whole time bloomed and became the more vivid emotion. He looked at her over Steve's shoulder.

She was right, fuck. Steve was so focused on him, it would be an enormous distraction in the field. They'd have to work on emotional distance when he got back.

"You trust his team?" he barked at her.

[withtheplan]

"With my life," Natasha said without hesitation. She met Bucky's eyes, holding his gaze and giving him a slight nod of reassurance. She shifted her gaze to Steve, thinking that emotional distance was going to be absolutely necessary for both him and for Bucky if they were going to get through this both relatively in tact.

"Go get ready. They're leaving in fifteen," she said to Steve, folding her arms across her chest.

Reluctantly he let his hands drop away from Bucky's face and resisted the urge to pull him into a hug. Instead, he turned and headed down the hall to get suited up.

[the_asset]

Bucky didn't let Steve get too far before grabbing him by the shoulder with the metal arm and yanking him back. He leaned in and pressed a clumsy, closed mouth kiss somewhere between the corner of Steve's lips and his cheek.

"Come back," he said, and glared at Steve harder. "And I did that because I wanted to. Being a person."

He pushed Steve's chield into his chest quite hard, possibly enough to make him stumble. Then, he turned on his heel and stalked back into the depths of the apartment.

[withtheplan]

Being grabbed and kissed -- even if it wasn't on the lips -- wasn't something he'd been anticipating and the dazed expression on his face was a dead give away of that. The shield dug into his chest as he stumbled backwards just a little, also not having expected that, either. He blinked a few times. "Okay," he said, voice hushed as he watched him go.

Natasha simply gave him a knowing look and shooed him away to go get ready, his mind still spinning.

[the_asset]

Bucky was unconcerned with the shock on Steve’s face, too caught up in his anger and worry. He went right to the mess he’d left in the kitchen and got on his knees to sort through it— not cleaning up, but looking for the largest piece of sharp glass he could find. He needed to have a weapon and Steve had removed all the other blades in the apartment.

[red_ledgered]

Natasha said nothing as he retrieved one of the glass shards from the floor. He was scared, underneath the anger. For good reason. She did crouch down, though, so they were closer to eye level. "Do you want to go to my floor or the gym?" she asked.

[the_asset]

Bucky met her eyes, tensing and wrapping his metal hand around the sharp glass shard. But then it occurred to him—she could obviously tell what he was doing and she made no move to stop him. She could be an ally.

He looked at her contemplatively and then decided to go for it.

“Armory, then gym.”

[red_ledgered]

She could see him tense as he realized she'd seen what he was doing. But at his response, her lips curved into the ghost of a smile and she nodded, rising to her feet once more and holding her hand out to help him up.

"Let's take care of your feet first and get you some shoes on," she suggested.